It's Not Easy Going Green

Dear Mistress Doomcannon,

I'm sure that evil plans have a significant energy budget for doomsday machines, orbital headquarters, and so on. Thinking green is all the rage these days, so could you describe how you factor renewable energy and other socially responsible programs into your plans?

-Concerned about Eco-Terrorism

Dear Concerned,


You know, I never really concerned myself with this nonsense in the past. If the earth is a gift to everyone else's grandchildren, what do I care if the wrapping paper is mangled and the bow fell off. Not my gift. I'm going to ride that pony 'til it drops. It also doesn't help that ecologically minded super heroes are THE WORST. Even if I gave a hoot and a half about mother nature, hearing the self-righteous, pretentious garbage that they pollute my ears with makes me want to deforest a small to medium sized equatorial region. There's this one guy, the blue one with the green flat-top-mullet-thing, that has a group of young, naïve kids from around the world fight 9/10ths of his battles for him, and then at the last minute, he swoops in to finish the job and take credit. It's kind of genius, actually. Anyway, back in 2010, as he forcefully stopped me from dumping all of our nuclear waste in the Mediterranean, I let him know what a bloody hypocrite he was, since all of his flashy spandex was created by the DuPont Corporation, who was #4 of 20 in the top waterway polluters in America! He was in kind of a downward spiral since the cancelled his TV show, and I think that may have been the proverbial straw (either the last one, or the one that broke the camel's back... does it matter?). Haven't seen him since.


Sorry. I got a bit sidetracked. Long story short, environment, don't care. Saving money however, well, everyone likes that. We have made our facilities a bit more green, being as we do have all of that geothermal energy, living in a subvolcanic lair and all. You can rest easy knowing this, and maybe not throw paint on me next time I decide I want to stroll around in an endangered jungle cat's luxurious fur.

I've Earned it, right?
Miss Doomcannon