Dear Mistress Doomcannon,
Do you own a large pipe organ for purposes of dramatic welcomes when would-be heroes invade your inner sanctum? If so, are there any pieces of organ music you prefer?
Curiously yours,
Concerned Music Major
My Dear Music Major,
I really hope that this is a joke. Will your next email ask me what brand of rope I use to tie innocent young damsels to the train tracks? Pipe organs are so passé. I've installed a PA system, which I use to broadcast smooth jazz all across my compound. I know what you're thinking you smug 'Music Major': "Smooth jazz? How is that intimidating?" Well, let me ask you this, have you ever been to a dentist? Drills, needles and extraction tools entering your mouth all to the sensual sounds of Mr. Kenny G's tender saxophone melodies? The juxtaposition is quite unnerving. The henchman also find it on the relaxing side. Could you imagine how stressed out those numskulls would be if all they heard was somebody mashing around on the bloody organ all day? Which brings me to my last point, which is not wanting to waste my hard earned (it doesn't matter the means, it was 'earned' in one way or another) money housing, feeding and paying an organist. Musicians tend to be really irritating.
Good luck with whatever you "Music Majors" do,
G. Doomcannon
