I’m a masked bad guy single parent, and even though my Ex and I both fight for evil (when were not fighting each other) our Daughter, it seems wants to play for the other side. My Daughter is only a kid but what I’m seeing is alarming. Things like her giving change to homeless bums, holding the door for the elderly, and I’m almost ashamed to write this but she even asked to dress like Wonder Woman for Halloween last year! I blame it all on her Mom which brings me to my question. I’m thinking of using my patented Micro Megafungulizer on my Ex for allowing this to happen, but that won’t guarantee my Daughter changing her mind. Should I Micro Megafungulize them both?
-Regards,
Ashamed and Alarmed
Dear Fellow Agent of Evil,
First, a mask? Are you tying damsels to train tracks and menacingly stroking your handlebar moustache? Anyway, all creative differences aside, that's quite the predicament. Kids are curious, and sometimes need to find their inner antagonist on their own. Sometimes you can lead a horse to evil, but you can't make it rampage. The solution you propose regarding your ex-lady is a bit of a double edged Micro Megafungulizer. It may incite more heroics from your mixed up daughter -or- it might be the perfect opportunity to teach her about arching. There's nothing more exhilarating than an arch nemesis. That experience alone may be enough to bring her to the dark side (See 'Little Monsters' letter from... well... a while ago).To be honest, I think it's better than any incarnation of love. This could truly bring you together as a family, without any of that matrimonial nonsense... or she'll bust out the cape and tights and try to thwart your ass. I don't know. Helping people is not really my strong suit. It just kind of, works out sometimes... or doesn't. Keep me posted.
-Mistress D
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