Presently Presentless

Dear Mistress Doomcannon,

My older sister is getting married in July, and I have no clue what kind of present to get her and her fiancee. Any ideas?

Presently Presentless


Presentless,

If there's one thing you know about married couples, it's that they fight. They fight frequently, and they fight fiercely. I think a little malice towards the ones you claim to love is a healthy thing. I fully support such behaviour. In terms of a gift, show you care by encouraging creative ways for the happy couple to express their aggression towards each other. Perhaps a few throwing knives? Dueling sabers are maybe a little more their style? Perhaps they are more into explosives or firearms? There is a world of possibility out there. I'm sure you'll find something that is painful, intimidating, and in your price range. I hear that 'Crazy Al's House of Explodey Things' has a registry!

*Mistress Doomcannon